Vanart commercial

Last night, instead of going to sleep, I went to my blog’s admin area and inspected the terms visitors used to find my blog. Doing that causes me to do my own searches every once in a while, just to see what comes up under the blanket of certain terms. Last night I thought to use the keywords “mujer gigante”, and a link to this commercial was probably the third result.

I think it’s great, and not because it includes a giantess. Well, not only because it does. Here are the other reasons:

1. The size of the giantess is one I thought of for myself many times.

2. There are no other women in this commercial. Not that there’s anything wrong with other women… but seeing one tall woman in a city that seems to be populated only by comparatively little men does wonders to create a relationship between the commercial and what I often imagine.

3. I like it when she whirls in place and her hair creates wind. Again, that moment patterns itself after effects I’ve often pictured I create.

4. I like every second of the giantess’ interaction with the “main” little man. I absolutely love his reactions to what she does. His initial shock, his smile, and the rest of it.

5. He’s wearing sandals that allow a quick glimpse of his toes. I’m the only woman in the universe that cares about that, I know.

6. Her delightful expression of mischief when she takes part of his home for her own use. That look she gives him, that tells him, “Aww, little one; that’s right, I’m taking this, and there isn’t anything you can do to stop me.”

Honey, I Shrunk the Mummy

Back in the admin area of my blog there’s a section where I can see the search terms that people use when they find it. I saw that someone had searched for the keyword “shrunk”. Curious, I conducted a Google search to see what popped up, since in the past I’ve always been more likely to search for “shrunken man”, or “shrunken men”, and not simply “shrunk”.

I found this video, and I had to look at it. It’s quite goofy, but I like it! About a year and a half ago I wrote a story about a mummy as a series of Halloween entries for my old giantess blog, so I was more inclined to enjoy it than not. And as I’ve mentioned before, we that write stories about giantesses and shrunken men sometimes enjoy creating characters based on classic horror creatures such as Dracula, Frankenstein, zombies, mummies, etc.

Notwithstanding this video’s silliness, perhaps you will agree with me that less than a minute into it things suddenly become extremely interesting, and stay that way for 47 seconds. If there was a shrunken man in my life that because of life’s travails ended up being mummified in a magical ritual that gave him life after death, there’s a likelihood I’d want to see if there are things he can still do.

Get On Your Boots

This morning I visited the YouTube front page… I can’t remember why, when I spotted a recent video for a U2 song. having been a fan on and off for the last mrrghhteen years, I decided to watch it. A few seconds into it I realized there were a few size-difference crumbs being thrown my way, and I enjoy sharing those crumbs whenever I get the chance of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNmYcz-ULF0

All the high-quality versions of this video seem to have embedding disabled, so I’m posting a link to the U2 video. I’d watch the high-quality version, so as to more easily spot the brief moments that seem to include either a very tiny U2, or very tall ladies in their surroundings. It ain’t much, but my shrunken-man radar definitely beeped a few times while I was watching it.

The song’s guitar “hook” makes me feel nauseated, not only because it’s a demonstration of how U2 isn’t what it used to be, but also because it’s tired, boring, annoying, and forgettable. Still, the video has some moments that include giantess or shrunken man-like perspectives, so I can’t dismiss it completely even though I know I’ll never have another The Unforgettable Fire.

1. Twenty-five seconds into the video, we see the group performing downstage from a cluster of boulder-sized candies apples. In my childhood I hated those things, and still do. If you are gonna eat an apple, just eat it. Don’t coat it with melted sugar. It ruins the appleness of an apple. But never mind me, as I’m not that big on candy.

2. One minute and eighteen seconds later U2 continues to sing and play as a couple of comparatively tall women stand nearby, all dressed up for Halloween. I don’t know when this video came out, but I’m going to guess October 31.

3. If you were singing and knew that right behind you there was a face as big as a wall equipped with lips that could probably swallow you whole, you’d look over your shoulder too.

4. Some collagers like to place helicopters or jets flying by whatever mayhem a giantess is creating. You know who they are. This scene of tiny jets speeding by the giantess as she prepares to stupidly swallow a bullet one minute and thirty-six seconds into the video reminded me of those folks.

5. The best part of 1:37 comes right after, when she blows away that army with her breath. I wanna do that!

There are more fleeting moments similar to the above (or below) in the video, including some fancy black boots. My verdict: I find the song guilty of suckcide in the first degree, and the video innocent of all charges.

U2 and candied apples.

Giantesses in funny costumes.

Bono glancing at the giantess behind him.

Tiny jets zooming by her giant lips.

Those are small toy soldiers.

In other news, I had a great dream last night: a member of the giantess community (someone that doesn’t exist) had written an awesome giantess story about me that became an animated B&W film.

Is There Something I Should Know?

This is a stretch, but I see what I see when I see it, and I couldn’t help but seeing little shrunken men moments during this Duran Duran video. I was a huge fan and remain so to this day, but that’s not the reason I’m posting this video.

I hadn’t watched it in a long time, but just a few minutes ago I logged on to my YouTube account to answer a message when I noticed a recommendation for the Is There Something I Should Know? video. I hadn’t watched it in a length of time I’m not about to foolishly disclose, but it’s been many years.

I bet that tickles!

So I clicked it, and 41 seconds into it I watched Simon Le Bon walk into what appears to be a badly made, ’80s video-style forest of hairs.

Being who I am, I instantly pictured a shrunken man doing exactly that, taking a tiny stroll on my scalp, or… I don’t know. Somewhere else there might be feminine hairs. Eyebrows, armpits, whatever.

At 1:04 minute and then again at 3:02 minutes, Mr. Le Bon can be seen walking up steps so large they make him seem half sized or less. Did I like that? What do you think?

And then there’s a bunch of POVs of the Duran Duran group members as seen from above (in other words, the sort of POVs women such as myself like). Did I like that as well? Fine, since you insist on knowing, I’ll tell ya: I definitely liked that!

He's saying , "Argh! I'm shrinkiiiing!"

Honda commercials

Honda is releasing commercials that would otherwise go unnoticed by me except for the fact that there are little people in them. Every time I encounter something in the world that shouldn’t mean anything to me but it does, I can’t help but smile and wonder what it was that made me this way.

Was it God?

Aliens?

Myself? Past life? What? Why do I sit here and watch an online commercial and then I feel the unmistakable tingle, the buzz of that radar that tells me Little Things have entered my sphere, that Something That Makes Me Feel Tall is about, and then I look at it, and it might not show me directly what’s in my fantasies, but it’s somewhat related, so I can’t help but be affected by it.

In other words, a car commercial with little people building a car or maintaining a car or inside a car much larger than they are reminds me of shrunken men and my own scenarios. Completely Pavlovian, my friends. Ephemeral, figurative, and vague, but stimuli nonetheless.

I can deal with it very well, yes. The punch-packing moment for me comes about 75 seconds into the commercial:

I want little people to build me a car too.

There’s a second commercial with little people shown in a cross section of a Honda, but I can’t find it anywhere. Didn’t look too hard, though.

Edit: Score! I found a link to images of the cross section, and there’s a link to view the commercial as well.

Honda Cross Section “All in One Place” Commercial

Sunsilk ads

I like those little hair monsters.

This is such a cool Sunsilk ad campaign! Sure, there isn’t a giantess or a shrunken man in it, but it’s the idea of the slogan “Wash out your hair monsters” that makes me think of alternate scenarios. The images of the ladies dangling those little critters from their fingers’ hold while considering them with something close to disgust only gives fuel to my imagination.

I can see myself finding not a monster in my hair, but a shrunken little guy as I perform my morning ablutions. At first I wouldn’t know what I’ve captured, but when I realize what I have in my grip the expression on my face would shift from WTF to OMG Gr8!

And that’s why I saved the original images shown above. Eventually I will replace those monsters with real little men, and when I do, I will stand mistress of all I survey and whisper thunderously, “‘Tis as it should be.”

Advertising Agency: JWT, Paris, France

Photographer: Vincent Dixon

And a YouTube ad starring those cute hair creatures:

I Eat Cannibals

It’s barely the beginning of the afternoon, and the temperature is 37° Fahrenheit. The sky is cloudy and I can see my breath when I venture outside to toss out recyclables in their bin. Despite all these weather inclemencies, there’s a voice coming from the park in front of my house, the constant voice of an auctioneer chanting off bid after bid. Don’t ask me why there’s bidding going on in a park, when it’s so cold people should be at home eating warm doughnuts. It’s annoying.

But it doesn’t make me angry.

We all get angry sometimes. When that happens and the feeling is extreme, some of us have temporary thoughts of taking a bat to someone’s head, or kicking their shins, or punching their faces. Many of us can control those impulses, and the feeling passes rapidly. When I get very angry I often think of crushing the source of my bad mood, either with my hands, or under the sole of my foot.

After I’ve grown a couple of hundred feet, that is.

As I said, the feeling passes quickly, and it’s been long since I’ve attributed it to that part of my mind that likes to open up a release vent through imagination, and as crazy as those thoughts sound, I prefer them to that nasty schadenfreude, or any similar human nature frailties. I like thinking of myself as a giantess. That strong inclination naturally permeates other emotions from time to time.

What does the above have to do with the Toto Coelo video, “I Eat Cannibals”?

Nothing. I’m just sayin’. In my world of giantesses, anger equals crush, and funny equals vore. In its true definition, vore is an infinite source of amusement, and I can’t help but think of its funny ramifications every time I look at this video.

I can’t explain why it hits me that way, the thought of a giantess eating people. There’s nothing diverting about it. It’s no joke to see a colossal woman opening up a bus and tossing its screaming contents into her mouth. But even now the very idea makes me laugh out loud.

Make no mistake about it, the Toto Coelo women are singing about eating someone:

What can you do
You’re in a stew
Hot hot cook it up
I’m never gonna stop

All I wanna do
Make a meal of you
We are what we eat
You’re my kind of meat

Ah, if you could see my face, you would know that I’m smiling, even giggling. I don’t expect you to understand. It’s a private joke, the same as the tag line, “those crazy vore people”, since I’m one of them.

Soft vore? Completely hot.

"Swallow" by elestrial

He’s My Tiny

A repost from my old blog.

He wants to shrink too.

Lesley Gore performed songs that were hits before my time, but made their way into the soundtracks of ’80s movies I watched and liked. Four years ago, in December of 2004, I must have been watching Sixteen Candles or some other such movie when I thought of changing the lyrics of “It’s My Party” by Lesley Gore, into “He’s My Tiny”.

I love breaking into plagiarized song, especially when I modify lyrics to fit those very special, tall thoughts of concocting a shrinking formula (that’s what I refer to when I sing about “mixing ingredients”) and making a man very tiny and breaking the law and abducting him against his will and keeping him forever even though he had a different plan for his life.

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
I’m thinking of him all the time
Why was he gone from my hand
When he’s supposed to be mine

He’s my tiny, and he’ll shrink if I want to
Shrink if I want to, shrink if I want to
You would shrink too if I happened to you

Mixin’ ingredients, keep plottin’ all night
Leave me alone for a while
‘Til Johnny’s shrinking for me
I’ve got no reason to smile

He’s my tiny, and he’ll shrink if I want to
Shrink if I want to, shrink if I want to
You would shrink too if I happened to you

My darling Johnny might walk through the door
Like a king for his queen
Oh what a Christmas surprise
if I could make him my ring

He’s my tiny, and he’ll shrink if I want to
Shrink if I want to, shrink if I want to
You would shrink too if I happened to you

Lesley Gore – It’s My Party

Monsters vs. Aliens

Last night I popped Kung Fu Panda into my DVD player, and of course trailers precede the movie, and there I was, sitting quietly getting ready to watch something fun, getting into the holiday season, plotting delicious things to cook the following evening, and WAMMO-KABLAM-SHAZAM-SKADOOSHHHH I see a trailer for Monsters vs. Aliens.

Actually, the trailer was well underway before the whole wammo / kablam / shazam bit began, but as all of you that have TVs and go to the theaters know, there’s a giantess in this animated feature. I had not heard of this movie at all with the exception of one mention at MattyBoy’s Lotsa ‘Splainin’ many months ago, and since I’m not into giantesses I was all, “Meh”.

But no, no meh. True, giantesses don’t do anything for me, unless I imagine I’m that giantess. Reading about the film did nothing for me, but watching the trailer did.

Those that think women are not visual creatures, I have two words for them. They begin with fuck, and end with you.

I’d say something far less rude to those people right now, but I gots pies to bake, and I’m feeling punchy. And.. well, he-heh… it wasn’t exactly the vision of that white-haired giantess that got me all inspired, but it’s the idea of being a protective giantess I’m crazy about. I’m so into it I’ve had dreams about it. Really good dreams.

Truly really very GOOD dreams.

That could be me except for the hair and face and body and animosity from pugnacious soldiers that have no idea what I could do to their twig-like bodies.

So it isn’t that it’s a movie for kids. It has nothing to do with the pixels of an animated giantess. It’s the other stuff that’s in my head that starts screaming, “Hey, there’s a reminder of us for ya!” when I see her.

Got pies to bake. I’m off like a dirty shirt!

P.S. Man, taking photos of my TV with my camera makes me feel like I’m making a mixed tape off radio station music. I have no fancy way of capturing film and moving it to my Mac… but that’s OK with me.

Concealed carry, or high capacity?

I’m dying to buy my first gun. Dying.

So I’ve been reading about a few pistols here and there, knowing it will be a while before I have enough extra money to spend on antiquities such as WWII Russian rifles like the Mosin-Nagant with scope, the type used to nix some of them Nazi pests by my hero Lyudmila Pavlichenko.

Number of confirmed kills: 309

But more on that some other time.

I can’t help but think that now is the best time to go out and get your high-capacity, high-caliber weapons, especially if the gun laws that passed in Chicago can now pass anywhere. Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is the tremendous stupidity of legislation that negates a person’s right to carry a concealed weapon in order to defend herself, while the bad guys—who are not going to follow a law simply because it passes—arm themselves with what they wish, by whatever means they have.

My top priority as far as home protection is to have the ability to defend my son if a home intruder or two happens to break in. Does having a high-capacity pistol help? Maybe not. Maybe I’ll be fine with a 6-round Glock, but I choose something that will allow me to shoot a higher number of bullets, something that will give me the feeling I can defend my child more effectively if I need to, something like the Springfield XDM.

Or I could choose the petite Walther PPS for my first gun, something I can take with me during walks, or to the park where bodies have been dropped and women have been raped, or anywhere my son and I visit. In any case, and whatever decision I make, the process is wonderful, and fun, and legislation free.

So far.